CAPITOL STATE FOREST, WA:

I was thrilled for my hike this week and eagerly anticipated stepping up to a trail with a little elevation. After resting my knee for a couple of weeks after my first hike, then my returning last week for an urban hike on a relatively flat trail, I was excited to get out this week and tackle a trail with just a little more elevation. Mima Falls turned out to be the perfect choice! Being in the Capitol State Forest, the drive took about an hour, which gave me plenty of time to focus my thoughts on the adventure ahead. Arriving at the trailhead in Olympia, WA, I was all set to go. Although I started a bit late (around 11 am), my evening at a Seattle Mariners baseball game at T-Mobile Park with William made it worthwhile. I embarked on my two-hour hike on the east trail of Mima Falls, looking forward to the nearly 500 feet of elevation gain awaiting me. This was a delightful out-and-back hike, with the actual falls waiting at the turning point as a fabulous bonus. The sounds and smells of the flowing water truly took my breath away. I stood in awe, mesmerized by the cascade as it danced down the small falls, unwavering in its flow during my visit. It was beautiful to think about how the water flows effortlessly, providing me with inspiration. I imagined how wonderful it would be to embody that same steadiness in my own attitudes, behaviors, traits, and choices. Meeting obstacles like logs and rocks could become opportunities to either push them aside or flow gracefully around them without a second thought. The return to the trailhead was filled with reflection and a deep appreciation of the surroundings. The trail today smelled like the very essence of the Pacific Northwest—a captivating blend of mud, moss, wet ferns, and the promise of early spring just waiting to burst forth!

My thoughts don’t always lead to gratitude, but I find that gratitude can emerge from any of those thoughts when I take a moment to look deeply. I am truly grateful for our children. While I call them children, they are all in their 20s, with one soon to turn 30! Recently, a good friend at work remarked, “I love how you do things with your adult kids.” That made me realize how special this truly is! I cherish that my children enjoy spending time with me, or at least make me feel that way, which is good enough. This week, I had a delightful time with my daughter and grandson at his swim lessons; later, I enjoyed several drives with my eldest son while his car was at the dealership, creating some wonderful bonding moments; and I capped it all off enjoying a baseball game with my youngest son, his auntie and uncle joined us as well. My love for baseball is matched only by my joy in seeing him share that passion. It’s such a beautiful sport for building and nurturing relationships right during the game. I am thankful for my children, as well as the gratitude we all feel for their mother, who has skillfully shaped our family into what it is today.

My trail-thought I pondered today was one of “the journey”. I found myself wholeheartedly embracing the journey, celebrating the beginning, the end, and everything in between with an open heart. This concept has been explored by the stoics and those who delight in romanticizing the idea of “Carpe Diem.” For years, I’ve encountered uplifting sentiments surrounding this notion, gradually transforming it from mere background noise into a profound truth that resonates joyfully deep within. What does it really mean to seize the day? How can one unlock the beauty in every moment, every interaction, and every decision? In recent months, I’ve come to see this as so much more than an intellectual pursuit. It’s a vibrant feeling, a conscious decision, and an exciting action – a way to live. Since Kelly’s passing, I’ve discovered that every day holds new insights; just when I think I understand something, I realize there’s an endless opportunity for continued growth. I’m in full alignment with the stoic philosophers who suggest that if you think you know everything, you momentarily pause your journey of growing, improving, and striving to be a better person for yourself and others.

When I think of being present and living for the “Now,” I envision it as the magic that exists in the “in between.” Using the trail metaphor, the beginning is the trailhead—an exciting adventure filled with endless possibilities, leading to a journey that offers delightful surprises at every turn. Just like stepping through the front door at the gym ignites the start of a fulfilling workout, this moment stands as a pivotal point in time—an empowering action born from a thoughtful choice. This stage can be as fleeting or as rich as you desire, filled with promise. The end, of course, is an uplifting culmination built on hope, familiarity, and triumph. It’s that exhilarating rush you feel as you approach the finale of your hike, perhaps catching a glimpse of your car, ready to welcome you back on a thoughtful drive home. That too is a meaningful moment—a joyful pause brimming with celebration and gratitude.

So, this brings me to the “in between,” a vibrant collection of experiences woven together after a journey has begun, yet not yet reached its conclusion or a milestone. These moments can be exhilarating, like an urban hike, or expansive, as in a multi-day adventure filled with meaningful experiences. It’s in these moments that we strive to “seize the day,” embracing each opportunity as it arises. It’s all about cultivating the art of being present and fully engaged in the now. As Eckhart Tolle wisely shares, nothing occurs in the past, and nothing occurs in the future—it all unfolds in the present moment. This is where “regret” (past events) and “anxiety” (future events that may or may not happen) can linger, but we hold the power to transform this narrative. When you think about it, regret and anticipation can stretch the “now” in such a way that you relive those moments, in times when they are not happening. Why not wholeheartedly embrace those experiences in the present? That thing that happened in the past, well, it’s in the past – why relive it? Sure, if it’s good, enjoy the memory, if not, learn and move on. If something is coming up, it’s “now” is coming up also, why live it in the present, when you know it’s coming? It feels far more fulfilling and energizing to simply enjoy the current moment and all it has to offer. I find that I’m far more sensitive to the wonderful nuances and details when I give the “now” my full attention. While it may be challenging, oh, what an inspiring journey it is!

So I’ve been reflecting on my journey with Kelly, focusing not just on the beginning or the end, as those are merely moments in time. This perspective brings me clarity and optimism. While the ending was and still is heartbreaking (yes, it actually does feel broke), it is also filled with gratitude for the precious gift of being present for her final moments-an experience I was able to share with her loved ones. “Carpe Diem” has transformed from a mere concept into an permanently etched experience for me. I have crossed a threshold that has changed me; I’m not the same Ken that I was prior to profound loss; I will always carry the history of such loss, and now, I recognize that I enjoyed a long period of innocence, shielded from deep sorrow, well into my 50’s. In the aftermath of this loss, I’m discovering that grief is not something to “get over,” but rather something I will embrace and integrate into my life. My new goal is to reframe how I perceive grief and loss. For too long, I’ve thought of grief and loss as daunting and scary, like a monster hiding behind a door I was afraid to open. Now, I understand that I can no longer afford to ignore the true impact of grief and loss, as if it’s something that only happens to others. What amazes me about loss is that everyone will experience it, and everyone will have loved ones who will experience it. There is no escaping it, yet it’s a subject that few discuss, few fully understand, and only some have felt. As I’m still learning, I’ve thought of others in my life who have faced profound loss. Before my enlightenment, I may have tried to comfort them with as much empathy as I could muster. But now, I have a deeper understanding of the loss they, as well as I, find hard to put into words. I’m realizing that there is no way to “learn” this depth of loss intellectually or hypothetically; unfortunately, it just needs to be experienced. This realization leads me to another reason for gratitude. I am thankful for the connections I now share with many other people who have traveled this path. Each story is unique, yet there is a similarity in an indescribable feeling that unites us.

I find myself, when chatting with close friends and family, feeling inspired to share the importance of “making the most of every moment,” just as I strive to do. It’s as if I’m offering them a glimpse into the journey before and after profound loss. They may or may not seek this perspective, which is why I keep my audience to a small circle. What matters most is that they understand me, and they create a safe space for me to express these thoughts. Of course my hopes are that sharing my experiences, observations and feelings, may in some way, help them too.

So I’ve evolved this thinking, thoughts where I want others to truly embrace “Carpe Diem” and not just think it. Here it is, lecture version 2.0: I encourage those close to me to take four simple actions that only take seconds and can elevate their experiences together. Here they are: (1) when you’re driving in the car with your loved one, take a few moments to fully appreciate being in each other’s presence, if even at a red light. Reflecting on all the miles Kelly and I have shared, co-existing and enjoying each other’s company, I realize I could have cherished this even more. I genuinely feel her spirit beside me in the passenger seat, but it’s far from replacing her presence. (2) In a similar spirit, when you’re in a room watching a movie, cooking, or engaging in any activity together, pause for 5-10 seconds to truly savor that moment, locking it in your memory. As I reflect on the many movies Kelly and I watched together, this too is something I wish I did more of, it’s so simple, right?! (3) This next one is a gem that only takes about 3 seconds. When you hug, hold on for an extra few seconds. It’s those additional moments that really amplify the love behind the hug. My brother has this down to an art—it’s clear when he hugs you that “he absolutely loves you.” Lastly, while I can’t claim ownership of this beautiful thought, I was deeply moved when I first heard it: (4) “Kiss like it’s your first and last kiss.” What a wonderfully powerful reminder!

-Ken

• Olympia, Washington 46°54′6.84″N 123°3′50.4″W
• 5.2 miles | 479′ hiking elevation | ~2 hours
• 49 degrees and clear