WHITE TANK MOUNTAINS, AZ:
This waypoint takes a delightful turn from the lush Pacific Northwest to a sunny Southwest desert near Surprise, Arizona, the home of my in-laws. During this brief visit, I was thrilled to seize the opportunity for an early morning hike just minutes away in the beautiful White Tank Mountains. The park’s gates opened at 6 a.m., so I eagerly arrived first thing to enjoy the cooler weather and lighter trail traffic. As I waited for the gate to open, I looked behind me and saw the most beautiful sunrise with that iconic deep orange shade familiar in much of the artwork from the area. I found the Ford Canyon trailhead at Area 9 in the park, which was just a few miles away, and followed a section of the trail that spanned 6 miles with an elevation gain of over 800 feet. The early part of the trail offers a pleasant saunter, with the real ascent beginning a couple of miles in, featuring some fun bouldering that leads to the rock formation at the hike’s peak. There are benches along the lower part of the trail, thoughtfully placed for resting at great viewing waypoints. They also serve as heartfelt memorials. I took a pause at each one to acknowledge their loved ones who placed them there (the memorials are listed at the end of this journal entry).
The Journey…
This hike was a departure from my Pacific Northwest journeys. With every step, I embraced the rhythmic crunch of the dirt & rock on the dry trail beneath my feet. Occasionally, I thought I heard water, only to find it was my water pack swishing around on my back. When I paused, the surrounding silence was a refreshing contrast to the bustling sounds of the Pacific Northwest. I had never realized how vibrant sounding the wind, trees, water, and myriad of birds were while hiking trails in the PNW—I may have confused peaceful for ‘silence’. On this trail, where I experienced both the peace and quiet of the desert, I relished the pure silence, with little to no wind, no rustling trees, a few courageous birds, and the occasional lizard scurrying accross the warm rocks. I was also greeted by a few rabbits, as if to welcome me after the ‘shout-out’ I gave them in my last journal entry. The silence I experienced was literally silent, and I felt profoundly grateful for the tranquility. With my mind and heart on Kelly and my sincere appreciation for her parents, who were hosting us this week, I had plenty of uplifting thoughts to reflect on this morning.
Gratitude…
In the rugged beauty, as I journeyed among the rocks under the morning sky, I found myself reflecting on the gratitude I hold in my heart. A gratefulness that is like the steadfast rocks that surrounded me, unyielding and enduring, much like Kelly’s incredible family. Together, we have all walked through the shadows of loss, each carrying the weight of grief at our own pace and in our own unique ways. Yet, in their strength, they’ve become a bedrock of support for me and our family, offering love and understanding when we needed it most.
I am in awe of them, who have all faced the unimaginable pain of losing a daughter, a sister, yet have shown such grace and resilience. Their ability to focus not just on their own healing but on also supporting others, including myself, speaks volumes about their love and character. My extended family, which I was so fortunate to have gained through Kelly, has embraced me with open arms, reminding me that even in the midst of loss, we find strength and connection. It is this shared journey, this collective resilience, that I cherish deeply. As I hiked today, near the home of my in-laws, I carried with me this profound appreciation.
Reflections…
For today, in the spirit of our visit to Arizona, I embraced the theme of ‘family’ to reflect on and ponder as I hiked. I considered the unconditional support we offer each other, the joyful memories we have created together, and the exciting possibilities ahead regarding how our relationships can evolve. As I set out on my hike, I couldn’t help but feel like this landscape, with its rugged beauty and stark contrasts, as an appropriate metaphor for my current journey. It’s very different than the familiar trails of the Pacific Northwest, yet there’s something about its rawness, its vulnerability, that resonated deeply with me. It has a remarkable clarity, with fewer shadows to hide behind—and even those shadows are often sheltered by protective cactus spines or perhaps even a rattler, adding an element of surprise—the kind you don’t welcome.
I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with Kelly’s family since she passed, and I like to consider it as an opportunity for growth and connection. It’s as if we’re all navigating this vast desert together, finding our way forward. While we’ve all experienced the same loss, we do so in our own unique ways, and there’s something incredibly beautiful about the support we offer each other during this time. It’s like we’re all resilient cacti, standing tall despite the harsh conditions, drawing strength from one another and redefining what it truly means to be family. I began to wonder and asked myself a very practical question…”are my in-laws still my in-laws after their daughter’s passing?” A quick Google search (which I’m almost sure is one of the most reliable sources) informed me that I’m no longer considered part of her immediate family in a legal sense. Funny, “law” is right in the name, but it alluded me as a characteristic of my relationship with them for all these years. I really have no idea what it represents, but it has never defined the depth of my relationship with them. So we continue…to share tears, to share a smile, to laugh, and to love.
After a couple miles the trail began to climb and the ‘walking path’ began to disappear, showing its true challenge through the boulders. Kelly…her memory was ever-present and protective, and like a very gentle morning breeze on the shadow side of a large boulder inspired me to continue. Her smile, her laughter—they’re not just memories but spirited parts of who we are now. Even though the path may throw us challenges, by sharing stories and celebrating her life, we keep her spirit alive and forge bonds that are as resilient as the desert’s enduring rocks—even those amusingly stacked ones. It’s wonderful how these shared memories can unite us, softening our personal grief into a collective journey filled with hope. There always seems to be a slight test in ’emotional presence’ when we start each conversation, as if to say, “yes, it’s okay, we’re embracing this.” Because we are all at different points in the journey at different times, yet still offer grace and support to one another unconditionally in the moment.
As I continued up the path through the boulders warming in the morning southern sun, I found myself thinking about how our relationships will evolve. It feels a bit like navigating a new trail—familiar yet full of new waypoints. We celebrate the past and cherish the love we shared with Kelly, while also making room for fresh dynamics in our relationships to flourish. They will learn new things about me, just as I am learning new things about myself, resetting my footing on a path yet to be travelled. The challenge lies in finding a healthy balance, much like the beautiful harmony of life in the desert. Though we may be at different points in our journey, we intersect at just the right moments, lifting each other up when it’s needed most. We gracefully allow each other to stumble, but always offer a hand to lift one another up.
Standing there in that vast desert (and make no mistake, it is a desert), I felt a sense of inspiration and hope, knowing that even in times of loss, there are always abundant opportunities for growth and renewal. My mind may wander, my heart may still ache, and my soul may feel somewhat adrift, but my love for Kelly’s family remains profound and enduring. Together, I truly believe we can evolve into something resilient and beautiful, much like the stunning landscape that surrounds me. Or even better, like the breathtaking scenery I momentarily stepped away from in the Pacific Northwest! With each step I take, I embrace the journey ahead, realizing that, just like the desert, there’s wonder, strength, and growth waiting to be discovered in the most unexpected places.
-Ken
- Ford Canyon Trail, Arizona 33° 36′ 14.54364″ -112° 31′ 9.489″
- 6.1 miles | 836 elevation gain | ~3.5 hours
- 56°-82° degrees and clear
Ford Canyon Trail Memorials: Sara Rose Conner; Janet Hall; Katherine J. Tait; Ruth & Ernest Dern; “Hiker Hal” Norris; Hank Lunardi; Walt Wagner; Gladys & Joe Stark.
Musings 