Snow Lake

MOUNT BAKER-SNOQUALMIE NATIONAL FOREST, WA:

Today, I embarked on a journey that would lead me into the Alpine Lakes Wilderness, armed not just with water and a couple LUNA Bars, but with a heart full of gratitude and a mind ready to reflect. The brisk morning air, dipping into the 40s, invigorated my spirit as I set off early enough to savor the trail before the scramble of fellow hikers arrived—each step echoing the promise of a day steeped in connection with nature and self. In these sacred hours, my gratitude was directed toward something that often goes unnoticed: the exhale. The power of this simple yet profound act struck me as I drove through the stillness of the early morning. Each breath I released carried away the weight of any lingering stresses carried over from the week, reminding me of the importance of letting go. Just as I released my worries with each exhale, I was reminded that the journey ahead would be filled with moments of clarity and peace.

Today’s “Trail Thought” beckoned me to reflect on the path of single life. With each step into the wilderness, memories of shared adventures with Kelly enveloped me, a bittersweet reminder of our companionship now tinged with echoes of solitude. This transition has been an acute adjustment, much like a sudden river crossing that challenges my balance while inspiring me to see what’s on the other side. As I navigated the terrain today, I found strength in reflecting on my journey—growing, stumbling, and rising again. Each journal entry I jot down along the way becomes a piece of my “memoir of gratitude,” a musing about the beauty of resilience and the importance of embracing every twist and turn along the trail.

The Journey…

I parked in the Alpental lot and laced up my hiking boots before dawn, The world around me feeling like a blank canvas, eagerly awaiting the strokes of adventure to breathe life into it. The sun had yet to peek over the mountains through the overcast, but there was just enough to cast a gentle glow. The cool mountain air embraced me, starting at an elevation of about 3,000 feet, and I was ready for the journey ahead—1,765 feet more on this 7.6 mile out-and-back trail. The brisk morning air invigorated my spirit. Although the promise of a warm day lingered in the background, I doubted it would exceed 60 degrees during my hike. This normally bustling trail felt like a hidden gem, not be be confused with nearby Gem Lake—a journey for another day. I set off early enough to get ahead of the crowds and could already envision fellow hikers making their way up as I descended, looking forward to their smiles and nods of camaraderie.

Despite the low clouds overhead, I felt the sun would soon be my companion, casting warmth even if through the clouds. The trail was mostly exposed, a reminder of the importance of sunscreen, and I applied it diligently, knowing that at higher elevations, even the gentlest sun could leave its mark. With each step, I embraced the challenge. The rocky paths, dusted with earth, occasionally tested my footing. But my sturdy boots, trusty trekking poles, and attentive mind turned potential pitfalls into adventurous obstacles. The trail climbed steadily, rewarding each ascent with breathtaking views that unfolded like a story before my eyes. Jagged peaks framed the horizon, while the crystal-clear waters of the lake awaited my arrival. As I hiked, the persistent buzz of mosquitoes joined my journey. I recalled that they seemed to leave Kelly alone, but they were working hard to leave their mark on me today. Thankfully, I had taken precautions with bug repellent, allowing me to savor the scenery without distraction.

The trail offered brief breaks with shade in the forest—moments to pause and absorb the beauty surrounding me. After a steady climb of just over two miles, I rounded the trail’s rocky summit and reached a beautiful viewpoint of the lake—it was calm with clouds that appeared to be floating on its surface. My turnaround point was only another mile away. However, I took a little detour, the rocks that flanked the side of the lake were my only barrier to a spectacular lakeside seat, so I negotiated the rocks and eventually navigated down to a rock that wasn’t as jagged as the others, claiming my perch for a pause and serenity. The lake was clearer than spring water you buy on the shelf. I removed my pack—settling on my newly claimed rock while gazing down to the tranquil waters. LUNA Bar in hand, I let the moment engulf me, feeling the gentle weight of solitude and beauty. It became a touching reflection of my “trail-thought” for the day, centered on the peaks and valleys of being single. In that serene space, I recognized that solitude was not emptiness but a chance to connect with my inner self, reflecting on life, love, and the gratitude that fills my heart. Absorbing the majestic canvas of nature, I pondered how every hike is more than just a physical journey; it’s an exploration of the soul, a drive toward self-discovery, and an embrace of the Pacific Northwest’s quiet wonders.

My heart brimming with gratitude and reflections swirling like brushstrokes of the clouds above, I prepared for my descent, knowing every step down would be as meaningful. Standing up from my perch on the rock, I snapped a mental picture of the lake’s beauty and took a moment to soak in the stillness. With a deep breath, followed by a satisfying exhale, I slung my pack back over my shoulders and began the brief ascent up from the lake, followed by the remaining descent to the trailhead. Retracing my steps to the lookout, I took one last glance back at the shimmering lake as the clouds lifted, a promising view for future explorations. Descending, each step felt lighter, with my spirits lifted by the serene energy of the lake and the insights I had gathered in solitude. The journey down transformed—each rocky turn and dusty patch became a pathway of connection as I passed friendly faces making their way up. A couple of hikers, glowing with anticipation, greeted me with warm smiles. “It’s breathtaking isn’t it?” one exclaimed, and I could see their excitement with the energy of their footsteps. I couldn’t help but share in their joy, recalling my own eagerness for that moment.

Continuing my descent, I encountered families, pets, and solo adventurers alike, all united by joy and nature. Brief stories and encouragements exchanged between hikers created a shared connection, each interaction binding us together on our individual journeys. In a distance, a group of friends laughed and joked, their laughter echoing through the trees—a sweet reminder of happiness found in adventure. Now higher in the sky, the sun was struggling to cut through the overcast, shifting between well defined edges to nearly non-existent edges in the shadows it casted. A sense of fulfillment washed over me—one not just born of the physical challenge but from the connections made with nature and fellow souls pursuing a similar experience. As I reached the trailhead, the parking lot came into view, marking the end of today’s journey. With a heart full of gratitude and a mind buzzing with reflections, I hopped into my car, ready to carry the day’s lessons down from this mountain.

My hike to Snow Lake became not just a journey through the wilderness but an introspective journey within—a reminder of the beauty of solitude, the power of connection, and the endless wonders awaiting me as I immerse myself in the natural beauty of our landscape. As I drove away, I felt the gentle embrace of the morning sun, a soft reminder that every ending is simply the beginning of another adventure.

Gratitude…

Today, my gratitude is directed towards something that might seem simple yet is incredibly powerful: the exhale. It’s funny how often we overlook the little things, the small acts that carry profound meaning. This morning, I woke up before dawn, the clock not yet reading 4 a.m. As I prepared for my hour-and-a-half drive to the Snow Lake trailhead in the Alpine Lakes Wilderness, the world was still shrouded in darkness, the roads empty, and there I was, wrapped in the serenity of early morning solitude. On my drive, I couldn’t help but reflect on the power of the exhale. In our lives, especially during stressful moments, this simple act serves as a built-in defuser, easing the tension that can cling to us like a stray sock without fabric softener. Sure, we all know that feeling of exhaling after a set in the gym, or emerging from a tunnel after holding our breath, but the true essence of the exhale lies in mindfulness. It’s not just about letting air escape; it’s about letting go—releasing all the accumulated worries and tension with each breath.

In the quiet darkness, I thought of Eckhart Tolle’s teachings in his book The Power of NOW. His words echoed in my mind as I navigated the winding roads, reminding me to be present in the moment. With each inhale, I gathered my thoughts, and with each exhale, I released any burdens of the past week, and committed to courage, setting aside any concerns for the week ahead, as they would come soon enough. But for now, I was here, in this moment, just me and the road. Being in the present and taking time to exhale transformed my morning drive into a meditative escape, setting the tone for a worry-free hike to a beautiful lake. As I pulled up to the trailhead, the first light of dawn was still hidden from the landscape. My mind was clear, my heart was full, and I was ready to embrace the beauty that awaited me. In the end, it’s the simple things that often hold the most power. My gratitude for the exhale is a quiet reminder that with each breath, peace can be found amidst chaos and clarity, in the stillness. Stepping out of my car, I felt the weight of my worries and anxieties lift, replaced by the promise of adventure and the beauty of nature that lay ahead.

Reflections…

As I laced up my hiking boots, a familiar thought gently surfaces—what I like to call my “Trail Thought.” Today, it was about the solitary journey of single life. After a year of navigating this path alone, I’m taking a moment to reflect on what being “single” really means for me. I recognize that my feelings will undoubtedly evolve over time, and that’s okay. This serves as a meaningful reference point as I contemplate the ways the absence of companionship has influenced my daily experiences and shaped my world. Memories of my journey with my best friend and wife, Kelly, enveloped me in a warmth that’s at risk of feeling like a distant whisper. The shift to living independently is a significant change, one that feels both challenging and enlightening as I embrace this new path in my life, much like an uphill climb that take my breath away while simultaneously fueling my determination to reach a new summit. Having navigated a year in her absence, I’ve grown, I’ve stumbled, and I’ve found the strength to rise again. My “Trail Thought” today gently examines a few items from my backpack that reflect on the challenges I’ve found being single.

During her final weeks, Kelly expressed her wishes to me with clarity: continue loving and caring for our children, tend to our animals, and take care of myself by discovering new sources of happiness. She knows me, and understood instinctively that I might initially resist “moving on.” However, neither of us could have envisioned what that journey might entail. Nevertheless, I move forward, with each step, embracing the opportunity to learn something new about myself with each trail. I realize that my joy will never mirror the beautiful canvas that Kelly and I painted together. Instead, my new canvas remains untouched, as I stand hesitantly at the easel, splashes of paint on my apron and drop cloth, waiting for inspiration. Some have challenged me, offering paint-by-color templates. But I’m confident that this canvas needs a more organic process. I’m grateful to have supportive family and friends, yet I still struggle to infuse my life with color, except perhaps for a few moments with nature, which still resonates with peace and reflection.

In the gentle stillness of my morning routine, I can almost hear her voice, a soft whisper of our past conversations as we prepared for the day ahead. Those small, seemingly trivial exchanges—the midday check-ins, the shared laughter—have morphed into heartfelt echoes of what we once had. Each day presents reminders that extend beyond mere isolation, touching notes of loneliness that envelops my heart. A few times, I’ve found myself revisiting her last text, a simple note on October 11, 2023: “Still doing color,” was just a heads-up that her hair would take a little longer than expected. These small everyday exchanges have become poignant reminders of the bonds that can still endure even in absence. Just days before, while I was spending a moment with one of our children, she had messaged me, “Okay sounds good! I miss you already! You are doing the right thing. Love you.” Those words, offered in just a brief moment apart, remind me of our connection—a connection that still tethers us together today.

Moving on to the empty space in our kitchen, a place filled with memories of the moments we shared together. Cooking has become a significant marker on this journey, a task that carries the weight of its shift. What was once a joyous shared experience, filled with laughter and energy, now feels like a solitary chore demanding my full attention. I miss the vibrant chaos of the kitchen, where I nurtured sauces while she skillfully assembled sides that consistently surpassed my main dishes, like her Arugula Caprese Salad with Burrata. The joy we found in creating meals together has been overshadowed by simpler, less fulfilling choices. Preparing food, once a cherished symbol of our bond, often leaves me longing for the warmth of the companionship we shared—and let’s be honest, the nutrition that accompanied those meals as well. I will eventually find my footing cooking for one, and maybe discover new ways to enjoy the social aspect of being a foodie once again.

Dining out introduces a whole new layer of complexity that often leaves me feeling uneasy, each meal solo, feeling like an awkward venture into unfamiliar territory. The idea of seeking a “table for one” feels daunting, making me confront a reality I find hard to accept. Instead, I’ve turned to take-out as my comfort zone. Yet, there are moments when I do share meals with others, and I can’t help but feel the absence in the fourth chair where Kelly should be sitting. While I appreciate the laughter and connection with others, it also intensifies the ache in my heart. These gatherings, once filled with shared happiness between Kelly and me, now sometimes feel like stepping into a world where I no longer belong. This heartache stems from her absence, yet it doesn’t diminish the love I have for my friendships. I wrestle with the uncertainty of whether I can embrace dining out again in a way that feels whole. Perhaps it’s a joy I need to set aside for now, navigating across the water one careful stepping stone at a time.

As I continued on the path, my thoughts wandered to social gatherings, realizing they have transformed into very different experiences for me. Once brimming with joyous laughter and deep connections, attending parties now carries an unexpected weight. What were once comforting interactions can sometimes feel overwhelming, like navigating a rocky trail without a map. Kelly was our social compass, effortlessly guiding conversations and helping us forge connections. Without her, I often find myself feeling lost, grappling with an awkwardness that makes me wish I could quietly slip away, perhaps linger a bit longer in the powder room for a moment of solace before I put my game face back on. When attempting to mingle, I strive to decipher the subtle cues in dialogue, searching for the unspoken signals in others’ words and gestures, much like Kelly did effortlessly. It was a gift she had in abundance, and I’m still striving to embrace that talent as I navigate this unfamiliar landscape.

Amidst the challenges of this transition, I have uncovered unexpected opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Embracing solitude has fostered a deeper sense of independence, offering me a chance to reconnect with myself in remarkable ways. This extra time has become a canvas for personal reflection, allowing me to cultivate new skills and lay the groundwork for a fulfilling life that I am gradually beginning to create for myself. The shift from a life once shared with Kelly to one of solitude can feel overwhelming at times. The emotional void left by her companionship and the necessary changes in daily life weigh heavily on my heart. Yet, I hold on to the hope that, with time and effort, I can find fulfillment in this new chapter.

By embracing self-discovery, pursuing new passions, and celebrating the joy in solitude, I am realizing that life, even when walked alone, can be filled with meaningful experiences, personal growth, and fresh beginnings. Though the path may look different now, it still brims with the promise of adventure and new opportunities for the days ahead. The path continues.

-Ken

Snow Lake, Alpine Lakes Wilderness, WA
47° 26′ 43.45548″ -121° 25′ 25.67892″
6.6 miles | 1,686 ft elevation gain | ~5 hours
47-58 degrees and overcast