MOUNT RAINIER NATIONAL PARK, WA:
The early morning air was crisp as I drove toward the eastern side of Mount Rainier, anticipation flowing within me like the river that would accompany me on my hike. With each bend in the road, I reflected on the gratitude I felt for the love and lessons learned from Kelly, whose spirit guides me, even in her absence. As I envisioned another stunning September sunrise in the PNW, with colors only visible to the naked eye, I was reminded of the delicate balance we created together—the practical and the emotional—each moment adding a brushstroke to the canvas of our family life. This journey isn’t just about reaching the summit; it’s about savoring the beauty of each fleeting moment—just like I hold onto her smile and treasure the sound of her laughter resonating in my heart.
Arriving at the Glacier Basin Trail, I laced up my boots and inhaled deeply (just air), ready to embrace the challenges that lie ahead. The trail, alive with colors of an autumn landscape, mirrored the ebbs and flows of life’s journey. As I hiked alongside White River in the shadows of The Burroughs, the flowing waters became a soundtrack for my thoughts, guiding me through reflections on the topic of: Time, and its elusive nature. I also pondered Proportional Theory, and how a year feels different at various stages of life—how fleeting moments can feel both expansive and constricting. Each step turned into a micro-meditation, providing an opportunity to honor memories with my best friend as I navigated the trail’s twists and turns, reminding me that growth often involves stepping into the unknown.
Reaching the heart of Glacier Basin was like stepping into a sacred space where nature spoke in colors, textures, and sounds. Along the way, I observed the beautiful Emmons Glacier’s Meltwater Lake and a symphony of waterfalls, while my thoughts turned inward, seeking balance amid life’s trials. How was I spending my precious hours? Was I really making the most of my time? With these questions swirling in my mind, I started jotting down notes, each reflection bringing me closer to clarity. I envisioned transforming my mornings and evenings into gentle rituals of mindfulness, creating harmony between wakefulness and rest while cherishing the quiet moments that nurture gratitude and resilience. The beauty of this hike lay not only in the breathtaking landscapes but also in the introspection it inspired, guiding me toward a life that reflects my values, purpose, and aspirations.
The Journey…
Before sunrise, I stepped onto the Glacier Basin Trail, my headlamp casting faint beams against the dark canvas of the forest. The crisp air nipped gently at my cheeks and filled my lungs, awakening my senses as I navigated cautiously in the shadows of The Burroughs. The calming sound of the nearby White River accompanied me, reminding me of the vibrant life surrounding me. A blend of exhilaration and nerves surged through me, knowing that this beautiful area had seen many bear sightings lately. An uneasiness settled in my stomach as I moved cautiously through the darkness, eager to embrace the beauty that would reveal itself once the sun cast its rays on the landscape. Each step was a delicate balance, intertwining my thoughts and feelings with the soft whispers of nature.
A mile in, I turned onto the Emmons Moraine Trail. After crossing the river, I carefully made my way up a narrow path out of the basin, a sense of anticipation making the effort feel worthwhile. As I emerged, my heart swelled at the breathtaking view before me; it was so stunning it felt almost surreal. I gazed down at the milky-green surface of Emmons Glacier’s Meltwater Lake, shimmering like a precious gem against the rugged backdrop of Goat Island Mountain and Baker Point. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by a deep sense of awe—before me lay the largest glacier in the nation, a striking reminder of nature’s grandeur. I paused to take a deep breath, allowing the landscape to envelop me as my thoughts mingled with the cool breeze, each reflection a gentle step toward deeper understanding. I eventually made my way back to the main trail, my heart equally moved by the beauty of Glacier Basin just a couple of miles ahead.
In Glacier Basin, I discovered a tranquil spot on a rock, surrounded by majestic peaks and the calming sound of flowing water—a true sanctuary. Here, I jotted down my musings in a trail journal, allowing the inspiration from the mountains and glaciers to flow through me. After some time, I climbed back out of the basin and started my descent, the peaceful moments along the trail helped me fully appreciate the unique beauty of this experience. Yet, my journey back was also filled with heartwarming encounters, like the charming couple “The Beary’s,” who joyfully posed for pictures with their beloved stuffed bears. Our exchange was filled with laughter and delightful misunderstandings, reminding me of the joy in shared moments. Then there were the chipmunks, blissfully unaware of my presence (or were they?), engaged in their playful antics, which, let’s just say, were anything but conventional. Each whimsical moment added a touch of humor to my hike, gently reminding me that life, much like nature, is full of surprises and delightful spontaneity.
Gratitude…
As I drove through the quiet darkness of the morning, the road stretched out before me like a blank canvas, eager to be painted with the colors of dawn. In these early hours, I listened to Kelly’s playlist and reflected on the journey we shared, where her unwavering support served as my anchor through the challenges of parenthood. Her remarkable ability to connect with our children, to genuinely immerse herself in their emotions, was a rare gift. There were moments when diving into their emotional depths was precisely what they needed. Kelly taught me to pause and truly acknowledge both their joy and pain; it’s in those moments that we discover the strength to move forward. The warmth of her fierce love enveloped our kids like a soft blanket, at times maybe feeling like an (over) protective embrace, creating a safe haven in a world that can often feel unjust and overwhelming.
Together, we crafted a delicate balance. My focus on practical solutions was beautifully complemented by her deep understanding of our children’s emotional needs. She reminded me that this journey isn’t just about reaching a destination or solving problems; it’s about appreciating the small, fleeting, and sometimes messy moments we share along the way. I often think about how she instinctively had this amazing ability to step in at just the right moment, as if she knew exactly when our kids needed her. Her support was always raw and honest. She didn’t sugarcoat anything; she gave them the real talk they needed, even when it was tough to hear. That’s how she taught them about courage and resilience—by demonstrating what it truly looks like. The road may twist and turn, but her presence lingers in the gaps between my interactions with our children, guiding me to find the courage to engage with them, especially in the areas left empty by her absence.
Continuing this journey without her feels like traversing a foggy path, yet I carry her spirit within me, striving to harmonize my rational perspective with the emotional depth she embodied so effortlessly. I honor Kelly’s memory by nurturing the same fierce love and understanding in our children, encouraging them to embrace the full spectrum of life’s experiences—both the peaks and the valleys. As I drive toward the sunrise, I realize how important it is to gently remind them that it’s okay to feel deeply and to navigate the highs and lows of life. Each step I take serves as a tribute to Kelly’s beautiful spirit, a heartfelt reminder that although she is deeply missed every day, her legacy will continue to light our path ahead.
Reflections…
The back of my car opened, and I took a deep breath as I grabbed my boots, lacing them up with a sense of anticipation for another thoughtful journey on the trail. I found myself drifting into reflection on a practical thought that’s been on my mind lately: Time—so you could say, “it’s about time,” quite literally. It’s a curious thing, isn’t it? The older I get, the more it feels like time slips through my fingers, just like the sand in this basin. It’s hard to believe that a single year can feel like a fleeting moment. In contrast, I reflect on my youth, sitting at that school desk and staring at the clock above the door, each tick of the second hand echoing with anticipation—tick… tick… tick…—stretching out into what felt like an eternity. It’s in this thought, when I considered Proportional Theory. A year now makes up less than 2% of my life, while it represents a significant 20% for a 5-year-old. This simple math brings a sense of solace and clarity, helping me understand the rapid pace at which life rushes forward. It reminds me that we’re all navigating this journey together, albeit at different speeds. Isn’t it strange that older folks seem to move faster than kids? But I digress.
Continuing on the path, my thoughts wandered to conversations with my boys, who often insist they’re “too busy” for everyday chores, consumed by work, school, and various ‘commitments’ (a generous term for other priorities). But we all have the same 24 hours, don’t we? With this theory in mind, I’m inclined to give them a bit of grace, at least partially. Still, I can’t help but ponder—how am I spending my 24 hours? Am I really making the most of them? Am I “sucking the marrow out of life?” as Robin Williams so brilliantly delivers in the movie Dead Poets Society, referencing an idea from John Keats’ poem, Ode to a Nightingale? This reflection became my “trail-thought” for this waypoint—simply a practical question on how to make the most of a 24-hour day. As I ascended the trail, I chuckled to myself, starting to see my day as a collection of “units,” much like Hugh Grant’s character in About a Boy…”Taking a bath: 1 unit“…”Exercising: 3 units“. But then, a clearer model clicked in my mind. I realized the day can be divided into two very distinct parts: Night and Day. This isn’t just about AM/PM or daylight and darkness; rather, I found myself contemplating the two modes of existence that our Earth’s rotation offers—the bustling hours of wakefulness contrasted with the calm, restorative hours of sleep.
During the day, we find ourselves alive, alert, and sometimes overwhelmed by life’s demands. The ascent of our day is filled with energy, but as the day goes on, that energy can quickly turn into exhaustion. As the sun sets, we enter a different stage where our bodies begin to repair and rejuvenate, processing memories, and healing. I’m fascinated by this duality of existence. With roughly 8 hours spent sleeping, we have 16 precious hours while awake. As I navigated the twists and turns of the trail, I reflected on this framework: Am I really making the most of those 16 hours? What am I doing to prepare myself to maximize both my awake and asleep periods? Every hour of the day is an opportunity, yet I often watch them slip away in the busy pace of life. During my waking hours, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and tasks, juggling responsibilities, decisions, and interactions. While staying alert is crucial for productivity, it also means I need to manage my emotions carefully. Without taking a moment to pause, the looming shadow of burnout can become overwhelming, reminding me of the importance of finding balance amidst the chaos we face each day.
I realized that how I start my day sets the tone for everything that follows. The first hour after waking feels like a special opportunity—a golden window to embrace new information and inspiration. I know how easy it is to get sidetracked—like mindlessly scrolling through my phone—which can throw me into reactive mode and rob me of clarity and focus. Instead, I’m opting to engage in movement, breathing, and reflection, recognizing that these activities are not just beneficial but essential for nurturing my values, which form the foundation of my purpose. As I reflect on my morning routine, I sense it’s time for some gentle adjustments. Waking up a few minutes before my alarm feels like a small gift, a gentle reminder that the day is mine to embrace. I whisper, “Alexa, play coffee shoppe ambiance;” she whispers back. The soothing sounds fill the space as I make my bed, creating a sense of order and accomplishment to start the day. A quick step on the scale serves as checkpoint, a moment of accountability that grounds me in my intentions. I get an early start on drinking water, rehydrating and refreshing myself for the day ahead. In the shower, I let the ‘rain’ flow over me, while listening to my favorite playlist. Grabbing the clothes I picked out the night before, with a quick blow-dry of my hair, and applying moisturizing eye patches, I’m ready to pause for a moment of mindfulness. With my daily readings wrapped up, I grab my stuff and step outside, feeling revitalized and ready to navigate the rhythm and flow of life with humility, gratitude, and kindness.
As daylight softly fades, I’m reminded of the importance of slowing down and preparing for the night ahead. This isn’t just about closing my eyes; it’s my essential time to reset. When I finally drift off, my mind embarks on a journey, weaving together the day’s events through memories—often in bizarre ways—allowing for deeper clarity and resolution while my body rejuvenates. It’s a transformative experience that often goes unnoticed. Taking the time to unwind before sleep is essential. The final hour of the day transforms into a sacred ritual, gently guiding me into a restful state. I create a serene environment during this time by dimming the lights, disconnecting from screens, and embracing relaxation techniques. I start by picking out my clothes for the next day. There’s something comforting about laying out my outfit, like inviting the next day to unfold just right. Then, I turn down my bed, no chocolate on the pillow, but it does seem inviting as I continue my wind-down. With the lights dimmed and screens turned off, I dive into my daily readings from The Daily Stoic and Pivot Year, absorbing calming words of insight and encouragement. After that, I pick up my guitar. I strum away, always ending with “A Private Looks at Forty,” a sweet cover that wraps up my day perfectly. Similar to morning, it’s all about the rhythm and flow, keeping activities simple and moldable.
Nearing the end of my hike, I felt a blend of excitement and apprehension about my modest changes to these two important times of the day. I believe that dedicating an hour to each will help me maximize the 8 hours of rest and the 14 hours of wakefulness. If I succeed, my mornings will evolve into a gentle ritual of mindfulness, while my evenings will embrace the tranquility needed for restorative sleep. It’s truly a delicate balance between wakefulness and rest, and I’m excited to find my rhythm. Without Kelly, I’m navigating the complexities of being single (or maybe it’s the simplicity?). And I would gladly crumple up this entire plan and toss it in the trash for just one more minute of spontaneity with her. But it’s crucial that I keep moving forward, one step at a time, toward the life she envisioned for me and our family, no matter the obstacles. While this journey can sometimes feel isolating (not to be mistaken for being alone), it also gives me the opportunity to shape my days into a more fulfilling life. The path continues.
-Ken
- Mount Rainier National Park, WA
- 46° 54′ 7.164″ -121° 38′ 41.604″
- 8.2 miles | 2,345 ft elevation gain | ~5 hours
- Sunrise: 6:48a.m. 45-63 degrees and clear
Musings 