OLYMPIC NATIONAL PARK, PORT ANGELES, WA:
As I journeyed toward the trailhead on Hurricane Ridge Road, the world outside my car was still cloaked in the gentle embrace of darkness, slowly yielding to the anticipation of day with shades of autumn cradling each side of the road. The drive through Olympic National Park felt like an another pilgrimage, each winding mile amplifying my excitement for the journey ahead. I welcomed the crisp air and overcast skies, eager to embrace the characteristic weather of the Pacific Northwest. Stepping onto the path, I felt the steep ascent ignite my spirit, each step drawing me closer to the tranquil beauty of Lake Angeles. The climb was relentless, but within the dense forest, accompanied by the sweet melodies of some early birds, I found a deeper connection to nature. With every upward push, the burdens of daily life began to dissolve, replaced by a sense of purpose and hope, reminding me of the transformative power of immersing myself into nature.
This morning’s adventure was intertwined with gratitude, a warmth in my heart that mirrored the first light of dawn softly glowing through the overcast sky. A meaningful connection I made with a new colleague this week lingered in my mind, a reminder of the beauty found in human interactions. With a spirit radiating kindness and empathy, it resonated deeply with me. As we discussed the Filipino term “Kapwa,” which embodies a shared identity, I felt a renewed sense of responsibility to nurture connections that enrich our lives. I realized that we’re never alone on this journey; rather, we share the road with others who inspire us and propel us forward. Making my way to the trailhead, I reflected on the significance of compassion in our interconnected lives, grateful for the moments that remind us we are all in this together.
As I reached the summit and gazed upon the many pieces that make up the beautiful view of Lake Angeles, my thoughts now deep in the intricate puzzle of grief I’ve been navigating since Kelly’s passing. Each piece represents a moment of clarity or acceptance, yet there remains a void that will never be filled—her physical presence. This journey of reflection revealed the stark contrast between my heart’s hope and my mind’s reality. Like the puzzles we used to piece together as a family, I’ve learned that healing isn’t a linear path; it’s a winding trail filled with unexpected turns. Today’s hike served as a reminder that the absence of a piece doesn’t render the picture flawed; it invites creativity and growth. As I embraced the beauty of the incomplete puzzle that is my life, I realized that grief and joy can coexist, each enriching the other as I continue to navigate this new terrain.
The Journey…
As I pulled into the trailhead just off Hurricane Ridge Road, nestled near Lake Dawn, the world outside my car was still shrouded in the gentle embrace of darkness turning to dawn. It was just before sunrise, and a hush enveloped the landscape, the kind of quiet that fuels anticipation. The drive to Olympic National Park felt like a sacred prelude to the adventure ahead, each winding mile heightening my excitement. Overcast skies hinted at the chill in the air, with temperatures hovering in the mid-30s to lower 40s. But I was undeterred; I welcomed the characteristic Pacific Northwest morning with sturdy boots and a rain jacket. I could already feel the towering trees standing sentinel at the trail’s edge, inviting me into their realm, protecting me from the wintery mix of rain and snow. As I stepped onto the path, the journey took no time to present its steep ascent, igniting a sense of purpose in my spirit. Each step forward drew me closer to the vast beauty of Lake Angeles, filling me with hope and determination.
The first mile was a relentless climb, my breath syncing with the rhythm of my footsteps as I pushed onward. Surrounding me was a dense forest, the air thick with the rich scent of damp earth and the ancient trees. A few early birds chirped overhead, their sweet melodies weaving through the rustling branches, creating a natural symphony that accompanied my ascent. I paused briefly on a single-rail bridge spanning Ennis Creek, mesmerized by the flowing water below and the vibrant greenery flanking the trail. As I continued, the incline remained steady, demanding both strength and endurance. Though most of the trail lacked expansive views, it offered intimate glimpses of the forest’s charm—lush ferns, moss-covered trees, vivid mushrooms, and the occasional rustle of wildlife nearby. With each step, I felt my connection to the earth deepening, the burdens of daily life melting away in nature’s embrace.
The approach to Lake Angeles really put my grit to the test with nearly 1,000 feet of elevation gain in that final mile. Just as I felt something magical waiting for me beyond the trees, I stumbled upon a sign that gave me a chuckle and a little jolt: “WARNING – Cougar Frequenting Area – Solo Hiking Not Advised.” Seriously? I was literally 100 feet from the lake! But I took it in stride. After all, I had my cougar spray ready with my finger hot on the trigger. Upon reaching the lake I was greeted by a breathtaking panorama. The clouds shifted dramatically, revealing the shimmering surface of the lake, framed by rugged peaks dusted with fresh snowfall and a quant island in the distance. I ventured around both sides of the lake, captivated by the dramatic weather, whitecaps breaking on the water’s surface, and a flock of friendly birds, who joined me at the lake’s edge on tree branches that were as close as a couple feet. This moment was a poignant reminder of the beauty that awaits at the end of a challenging journey, but also trust with those who call nature home—a reward that made the uphill struggle worthwhile. The descent would present its own set of challenges, but for now, I reveled in the serenity of the lake, feeling a deep sense of gratitude for the journey that had led me here.
Gratitude…
As I drove through the quiet, dark roads this morning, a sense of gratitude warmed my heart—like the first light of dawn breaking through the horizon. This week, I had the pleasure of meeting a new colleague who will soon join our team. Our initial introduction quickly blossomed into a meaningful interaction, a connection—beyond that of resumes or business accolades. There’s something special about people who radiate warmth and kindness—exhibiting traits that resonate with me, and reflecting an authentic spirit that values connection, empathy, and “Kapwa.” It’s moments like these that remind me of the beauty in human connections, where paths cross, and an unexpected journey begins. It’s a reminder that we’re never truly alone on our travels; instead, we share this vast road of life with others who enrich our experiences.
During our conversation, I was introduced to the Filipino term “Kapwa,” which translates to a shared identity and togetherness. It struck a chord within me, as it beautifully encapsulates the essence of our interaction. In a world that often feels fragmented, the embodiment of this concept shone brightly, reminding me that our well-being is intertwined with that of others. I felt a sense of responsibility to nurture these connections, to recognize that we are all part of a larger community. As I navigated the winding roads, I couldn’t help but reflect on how meaningful it is to foster compassion and empathy toward one another. This morning, I’m grateful for the shared moments that remind me we’re all in this together, and for the opportunity to learn from those who inspire us along the way.
Reflections…
This morning’s hike unfolded like a journey through a landscape rich with memories, echoing a puzzle I’ve been wrestling with for over 15 months now. I found my thoughts drifting to the various pieces of my life that have shifted since Kelly’s passing. Each moment of clarity and acceptance feels like a piece fitting into the intricate mosaic of grief, yet there remains a piece missing, one that will never return—her physical presence. For a long time, my heart and mind have been engaged in a quiet negotiation, each trying to find its footing. My heart holds tightly to the fleeting hope that perhaps, just perhaps, Kelly will reappear in my life, like a character in a primetime soap who makes a dramatic return. My mind, on the other hand, gently counters with the harsh but undeniable truth: she is gone, and I must learn to navigate this new landscape without her.
As I meandered along the winding trail, I recalled the puzzles our family works on during the holiday season. We typically open the box at the dining table between Thanksgiving and Christmas, each contributing a few pieces whenever we could find time, working towards a shared goal in the warmth of the holiday spirit. One year, we pieced together a scenic puzzle—well, mostly. There was one piece missing, leaving a void that left an incomplete feeling. Even though I could see the big picture without that piece, it still felt disjointed, a constant reminder of what was lost. Strangely enough, we continued to bring that puzzle out for a couple more years, fully aware of the missing piece. We chose to move forward, finding joy in the shared experience, even with that missing piece lingering in our minds.
Throughout this journey of grief, I’ve come to realize there’s no predetermined timeline for healing. Sometimes it feels like others, out of love, wish for me to “move on,” in hopes there’s a set formula to piece my life back together. Nevertheless, I’ve learned that grief doesn’t adhere to a predetermined linear path; instead, it resembles a twisting trail, filled with unexpected turns and hidden obstacles that can catch me off guard and trip me up. Today’s trail-thought is not a self-congratulatory reflection on my growth, nor a space to dwell in sorrow or self-pity. Rather, it serves as an opportunity to explore the unresolved puzzle of my emotions—the stark disconnect between the rational thoughts that consume my mind and the deep-seated feelings my heart grapples with daily. I’ve come to understand that I cannot simply strategize my way through grief.
Like that elusive missing puzzle piece, no amount of self-improvement or purpose-seeking can bring Kelly back. The painful truth is that the process of grieving is not about arriving at a neat solution; it’s about embracing the coexistence of identity-restoration and profound loss within my life. As I continued along the trail, I reflected on the notion of reconstructing my identity. Figuring out who I am now that Kelly is no longer here feels like a more meaningful pursuit than attempting to return to the person I was before her passing. The person I was no longer exists, at least as it was—as we shared identities, routines, dreams, and parenting, all of which now contributes to a larger picture that encompasses both what I’ve lost and what remains. The challenge lies in navigating this new terrain with the understanding that some pieces may forever be missing.
And herein lies the beauty of an unfinished puzzle. The absence of a piece does not render the picture flawed; instead, it invites a sense of flexibility and imagination. It allows me to appreciate the entirety of the picture, to recognize the beauty in the gaps, and to embrace the creativity on how those empty spaces fit into my life’s narrative. As I reached the summit, I took a moment to drink in the view, a view that was not my familiar mirror-like lake against a breathtaking background, but rather one filled with life and activity—a poignant reminder that life is overflowing with unexpected beauty, even amid our incomplete puzzles. I came to realize that grief and life can coexist harmoniously in both my heart and my mind. In truth, an unfinished puzzle is not a negative thing; it serves as a canvas for imagination and growth. It enables me to see the big picture while still leaving ample room for new experiences, new connections, and the ongoing journey of healing that lies ahead. The path continues.
-Ken
- Olympic National Park, Port Angeles, WA
- 48° 2′ 20.112″ -123° 25′ 53.76″
- 9 miles | 2,503 ft elevation gain | ~5 hours
- Sunrise: 7:39 a.m. 37-43 degrees, Gentle Rain & Wintry Mix
Musings 