COLUMBIA RIVER GORGE NATIONAL SCENIC AREA, WA:
The drive south felt quieter than usual, even during daylight, with traffic, and a familiar playlist filling the space in my car. Somewhere after Dupont, on that long stretch of I-5 south, Viktor Frankl joined me and I was filled with gratitude, and a few questions. My mind kept circling back to his book I read this past week, Man’s Search for Meaning, and unlike philosophy that stays comfortably intellectual, his thoughts felt earned. Tested. I remember looking out toward the Columbia River as it finally came into view, thinking about how little control any of us really has over what happens in life, and how maybe there was something freeing in accepting that. That is, in also accepting that we have total control on how we respond to it. I checked into a little boutique hotel in Stevenson, grabbed a burger and brew from a local taproom, and turned in early knowing the alarm would come soon enough. Before retiring for the night, I stood outside overlooking the river, thinking about resilience, not the kind we wear like a badge, but the quieter kind Frankl wrote about, where suffering stays personal, specific, and doesn’t measure itself against anyone else’s.
The next morning, I quickly learned that Dog Mountain doesn’t ease you in. I was on the trail before sunrise, headlamp cutting through the dark, birds already singing like they hadn’t gotten the memo about waiting ’til daylight. Small white butterflies drifted through the beam every now and then, hovering a few seconds like they were curious where I was headed. Three thousand feet of gain doesn’t negotiate, and my legs knew it early. But somewhere in the climbing, past the long switchbacks and wildflowers, Frankl’s words stopped being ideas and became something I could feel under my boots. I’ve always found a trusted map in the Stoics and the Taoists, but Frankl doesn’t offer a map; he offers testimony earned from a darkness most of us will never know. That distinction stayed with me while the trail climbed higher through the forest and fields of sunflower-like balsamroot glowing under the first warmth of morning.
What struck me most was how ordinary the actual summit felt when I reached it. Just a muddy patch in some trees where a worn sign was posted, bugs swarming around it. The real beauty rest only feet lower on the exposed slopes with wildflowers, overlooking the Gorge beneath Mount Hood and the surrounding Cascades. It felt like one of those quiet reminders life hands you every once in a while that the finish line isn’t always where the real experience lives.
The Journey…
I stepped onto the Dog Mountain trail an hour before sunrise with a headlamp on, clear dark skies overhead, and just enough nervous energy to make the whole thing feel alive. I had raced a train along the Columbia River to get there, and trail reviews mentioned rattlesnakes and barking spiders, which made me feel a little bit like I was on the set of an Indiana Jones adventure rather than a hike. I started up in the dark anyway, headlamp on. The climb wasted no time. Within the first mile my legs already understood what three thousand feet of elevation gain was going to ask of me. The trail was steep, rocky, and carried the scent of cedar and an earthly mixture, which promised to shift into nature’s bouquet of Pacific Northwest wildflowers at higher elevations. The birds were already going, which surprised me. They weren’t waiting on sunrise, singing somewhere high above me while the horizon slowly shifted from black to deep blue through the trees. Every now and then small white butterflies drifted through the beam of my headlamp and stayed beside me for a few seconds like they were curious where I was headed. At three-quarters of a mile, I looked up and my lamp illuminated a sign that offered me trail options, I chose “difficult,” but in full transparency, the other option was “more difficult.”
Nine hundred feet of gain in the first mile and I still had two thousand ahead of me, but somewhere in the second mile, climbing out of the trees with the silhouette of the surrounding mountains now showing definition, and the Columbia River beginning to take shape below as the golden hour approached. A book I read this week was on my mind. In it, Viktor Frankl presents the idea that there is actually very little that you control in life, yet you have 100% power on the way you respond. No one can take that from you. The Stoics knew it, Taoism recognizes it, but Frankl lived it in a way that changes the weight of the words. A few miles in, I passed Puppy Dog Peak, sounds innocent enough, cute really, the name not the climb. The Gorge expanded in both directions, east to west. The meadows opened up and the wildflowers were still in bloom, sunflower-like balsamroot, lupine, and Indian paintbrush spread across the hillside as the sun climbed and caught every pedal, its warmth releasing a soft fragrance. After pausing for reflection, I pushed on to the summit.
These hikes have never really been about a physical quest or a pursuit of success for me; the physical toll is just the entry fee for an experiential one. That truth hit home when I actually reached the summit, which turned out to be a bit anti-climatic…just a small sign tucked back into some muddy woods, a bit overgrown, with bugs swarming. The real magic was just 45 feet lower on the exposed grassy slopes, where the whole Columbia Gorge opened up, showing the white peak of Mount Hood to the south and another Cascade giant poking over the mountains to the north. It felt like a quiet reminder that the official finish line isn’t always the prize, and that sometimes the best parts of life are the places we feel compelled to stop along the way. The descent demanded almost as much effort as the climb. My quads burned from controlling every downhill step while the trail carried me back through the meadows and into the forest below. I stopped at one overlook on the way down and sat quietly in the warmth for a few minutes, listening to birds in the trees and the faint sounds of the waking roads far below. More hikers were making their way up while I headed back toward the trailhead tired, sweaty, and grateful for the morning. I’ve come to understand that some views only exist on the other side of effort, and I think that’s where the physical and experiential meet emotion.
Gratitude…
The day prior, I left around two in the afternoon, winding through Dupont before settling onto the long straight stretch of I-5 south. The farther I got from home, the quieter my mind became. I had my usual playlist on low, the kind of songs that felt less like entertainment and more like company, and somewhere along the drive I kept circling back to Frankl’s book I read this past week, Man’s Search for Meaning. The Stoics and the Taoists have always made sense to me, but their wisdom feels more like maps. Frankl’s feels like testimony. His words landed differently because they had been tested against something unimaginable. Just a man stripped down to the worst conditions possible, still insisting that meaning mattered. I remember staring out at the highway thinking about how little control any of us really had over what happened in life, and how freeing it felt to accept that the one thing that was still fully in our control was how we answered it. The thought stayed with me as the landscape slowly changed and the Columbia River came into view.
I rolled into Stevenson around five-thirty with that satisfying kind of feeling that only came from going somewhere with purpose. The Gorge carried that quiet weight to it, the cliffs fading into shadow while the river moved through the valley like it had seen every version of people trying to figure themselves out. I checked into the little boutique hotel, grabbed a burger and a brew at a local pub nearby, then turned in early knowing the alarm would hit at 3:30 AM. But before going to sleep, I stood for a while, overlooking the Columbia River, listening to local traffic, thinking about resilience. Not the kind people boast about, but the quieter kind Frankl wrote about, where suffering stayed personal and unmeasured against anyone else’s. I felt grateful for people who could walk through darkness and turn it into something useful, purposeful, and without using it as a measuring stick, but rather as insight for others to pursue a meaningful life.
Reflections…
I started the climb up Dog Mountain, carrying more than water and a few snacks in my pack. All week, Frankl’s words had stayed with me in a way I couldn’t shake. I had picked up his book because something in me had been restless lately, though I probably would’ve called it curiosity if someone asked. Purpose maybe. Meaning maybe. Something just beyond reach that kept showing up in quiet moments. The lower part of the trail wound through dark forest under tall evergreens, and I found myself thinking about how different Frankl’s voice felt from the philosophers I usually walk with. Stoicism and Taoism carried wisdom, but Frankl carried evidence. His ideas had been tested somewhere no person should ever have to go, and somehow he still emerged insisting that life held meaning, even there.
Earlier this week I read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, and I couldn’t put it down. That’s not something I say often. His account of surviving Nazi concentration camps, with the dehumanization, the starvation, cheating death by chance, maybe fate, is not light reading. But it’s not meant to be. What struck me most is that his conclusions didn’t feel like philosophy borrowed from comfort. They were earned from somewhere most of us will never go. When Frankl says meaning can be found through creative work, through love and experience, and through the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering, I believed him in a way I haven’t with the Stoics or the Taoists, though I’ve leaned on both. The message was the same, but here it was etched with a kind of weight you can’t argue with. A respect earned a million times over, or more.
On a trivial scale, I felt a shadow of that out here today. A 3,000-foot climb with a stubborn blister leftover from a flat walk on the Dungeness Spit last week was a minor, self-inflicted sort of discomfort, completely incomparable to real tragedy, but it made me realize why I keep coming back to these ridges. Funny how pain works like that. Sometimes it comes from the places you least expect. I kept thinking about Frankl’s idea that suffering itself was not the goal, and that unnecessary suffering was pointless. That mattered to me because sometimes we romanticize pain like it automatically makes us somehow deeper or wiser. Frankl never said that. What struck me was his belief that meaning could still exist inside suffering when suffering arrived uninvited. Somewhere during one of the long switchbacks, breathing hard and watching the trail disappear uphill ahead of me, I realized that hiking has become one of the places where I practiced that without naming it. The climb hurt. The descent would hurt too. Still, there was something meaningful in choosing the effort anyway, not because suffering itself was noble (that’s suffering with a little “s”), but because the experience opened something in me every single time.
It occurred to me then that Frankl never once tried to rank suffering. He didn’t measure his pain against someone else’s or use it to dismiss ordinary struggles people carry through everyday life. That felt important. It gave me permission to sit with my own without feeling like I was being dramatic about it.
Then my mind drifted to Kelly. It’s been twenty-two months since she passed, and there are still moments where the loss catches me sideways. But there was a passage in the book where Frankl talks to a grieving doctor who couldn’t get past the loss of his wife, from cancer, two years prior. Frankl asked him what it would have been like if he had died first, and the doctor admitted it would have been terrible for her, and then considered his wife would have been the one left to suffer. I understood the point immediately when I read it earlier this week, but it landed differently on the mountain. I perched myself on a warm rock overlooking the Gorge and just sat in the moment, considering the alternative. If I had gone first, Kelly would have carried this grief instead of me. Not better. Not fair. Just true. I’m not saying I did Kelly any favors by outliving her, but looking at the grief as a weight I am carrying for her, sparing her the empty spaces I find myself in, put a different kind of grain on the wood. It gave the ache, the pain, a purpose.
One line kept coming back to me on the descent. “Live as if you are living for the second time, and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now.” I’ve been sitting with that sentence ever since. It has a weight that I suspect is going to take me a while to fully understand, or maybe that’s not even the right word. Maybe it’ll just take me a while to be honest about what it’s asking. Today’s hike gave me 3,000 feet, and back, of quiet time to think. Frankl’s book gave me something to think about. I’m still somewhere between the two. The path continues.
-Ken
- Columbia River Gorge, Cascade Locks, OR
- 45° 41′ 57.696″ -121° 42′ 29.088″
- 7.1 miles | 3,013 ft elevation gain | ~4.5 hours
- Sunrise: 5:28 AM, Start: 4:20 AM, 59-61 degrees, clear
Musings 